


I'm so hard to handle//I'm selfish and I'm sad

by flickawhip



Category: Orange is the New Black
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:00:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27886399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flickawhip/pseuds/flickawhip
Summary: Natalie needs a little reminder of what love actually is...
Relationships: Natalie "Fig" Figueroa/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	I'm so hard to handle//I'm selfish and I'm sad

**Author's Note:**

  * For [EddyWrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EddyWrites/gifts).



_It's coming on Christmas  
They're cutting down trees  
They're putting up reindeer  
And singing songs of joy and peace  
Oh I wish I had a river I could skate away on _

Natalie Figueroa was a hard woman to find when she didn’t want to be found, she was also, thankfully, stubborn enough to find the people she wanted to talk to when she wanted to talk to them. Christmas was coming up, but ever since the riots people had been on edge. She hated that the woman she very much thought of as ‘hers’ was still stuck here, given an extended sentence when the only pain she had caused was to herself trying to hack a way out and let Natalie know what had happened. She wanted to see Cross though, even if she had to make excuses. She wanted the girl more than she could stand. 

_But it don't snow here  
It stays pretty green  
I'm going to make a lot of money  
Then I'm going to quit this crazy scene  
Oh I wish I had a river I could skate away on_

Natalie knew she was wrapping her arms around herself even as she approached the girl, her voice low and a little more careful than usual. 

“Got a minute, Cross?”

“Yeah boss.”

Alicia flicks her a slight smile but moves away from the gathered girls, quiet and trying not to grab people’s attention even as she followed Natalie away from people, headed back to her office. She could see Natalie was barely holding it together. 

“What’s wrong?”

_I wish I had a river so long  
I would teach my feet to fly  
I wish I had a river I could skate away on  
I made my baby cry_

Natalie had shaken her head, pulling Alicia into her office, shutting then locking the door before letting the blinds down, her hands shaking again as she wrapped her arms around herself, hating herself for the tears that came to her eyes. 

“I can’t believe you got stuck here… you tried to help them.”

“It’s okay…”

“No. It’s not. I wanted…”

Natalie’s voice breaks and Alicia frowns, her voice lightly careful. 

“You miss being loved over Christmas, don’t you?”

_She tried hard to help me  
You know, she put me at ease  
And she loved me so naughty  
Made me weak in the knees  
Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on_

“How can I miss something that never…”

“Natalie…”

“Don’t…”

“Nat…”

Alicia moves closer, sighing when Natalie refused to look at her and instead moving to wrap her arms around Natalie, her voice low and soft. 

“I think I know a way to distract you…”

People, even the ones who knew Alicia was missing, had started to realise what was going on, the girls around them, Natalie and Alicia, working almost as a unit to make sure nobody truly knew, even if it was harder to ignore the usual… sounds… coming from the office. 

_I'm so hard to handle  
I'm selfish and I'm sad  
Now I've gone and lost the best baby  
That I ever had  
I wish I had a river I could skate away on_

People had not expected to hear the argument kick off, but it had, Cross finally leaving the office, swearing under her breath as she walked away. She loved Natalie, dearly, but the woman wasn’t willing to risk more time and she would never use a furlough for something like this, even if she should. 

She had walked away just far enough that she could still hear the faint sound of Natalie’s scream, turning back and hating herself for what extra pain she had put onto Natalie’s already fragile mind, the second scream pushing her into a near run. 

_Oh, I wish I had a river so long  
I would teach my feet to fly  
I wish I had a river  
I could skate away on  
I made my baby say goodbye_

“Natalie…”

“I can’t do this anymore…”

“So this is what? Goodbye?”

Natalie had inhaled sharply at the tone and words, her eyes closing as she fought herself, not noticing Alicia slam the door and lock it again, moving to push Natalie roughly back onto the desk, stepping between her legs to pull Natalie closer, wrapping her arms around her tightly. 

“I’m not going Nat. Not now. Not ever. You’re stuck with me.”

Natalie had sighed then, finally letting herself cry. 

_It's coming on Christmas  
They're cutting down trees  
They're putting up reindeer  
And singing songs of joy and peace  
I wish I had a river I could skate away on_

They had stayed shut away in Natalie’s office for much of the rest of the day, Cross not once missed since the guards taking count meant to count her even without seeing her, they knew where she was, they knew who needed her and who wanted to protect her the most. 

The sound of carols eventually rang though the window, Natalie almost laughing, her smile light at the sound of the song that had always made her wish she had someone who cared enough to sing it for her. Now she did. She had someone willing to protect her. To love her. Even when she was sassy enough to drive Natalie mad. She wouldn’t let her go. Not now, not ever. 

Cross had smirked when she dragged her into her lap, curling against Natalie with a smile as she watched Natalie fill in the paperwork for a furlough, stealing Cross away for Christmas. It would only be a few days, but the days would be enough to get them through everything.


End file.
